Thursday, January 3, 2013

2.3.1 (Quatorze point l'un)

I lost her… it’s all my fault, I should have seen it from the beginning and I didn’t. I screwed myself over, I screwed her over and I made a fool of myself in the end. Why aren’t you allowed some sort of guide book, some masterful teen bible for all those moments you know you are gonna fail?! Note to self… Scratch photography - better start writing it now! But here I am now, staring at her house and wishing I could have taken that chance to show her how much she means to me. 

A thousand thoughts flooded my mind as I took in the Eureka’s sad, vacant house. It has been a month since they moved out of Appaloosa Plains, and right before that a million things went horribly wrong. Nana’s mother - how do I even mention it, Nana’s mother became quite sick and the only treatment center that took their insurance and could fully take care of her was over a thousand miles away. It felt like a million, it felt like an earth shattering distance with no possible end. Her father finally landed the job that allowed the move, but why didn’t she even tell me? She’s… she’s my best friend. 

So this is how everything fell apart…


*DEEP BREATH* So please don't hate me for this rant that is about to transpire...

I just want to apologize deeply for letting anyone down, if they think I have fully abandoned this challenge/story. I haven't but it has been nearly a year since I have stopped updating due to the stress of really putting forth so much effort for such little feedback. Though now that I realize, I think when I look over my blog stats for all three (rainbowcy, 100BC, & ISBI) the Lumière Rainbowcy takes the cake each time and I have no idea why since I never update it. I suppose it must be a rainbowcy thing. :/ 

Anyway I am not saying I hate updating this story or that I am sad none of my other stuff is getting attention I am just confessing that it's been rather tough to dig deep inside and write posts that are so long and so heartfelt. I have just had the biggest writers block and after taking a break from this style of writing I tried a different style with my In Search of Remedy Mars... story and I loved it unfortunately no one really picked up or commented much on it, same with my ISBI nowadays and I think I have some fans of my 100bc that wish I would just finish it. I am so sorry I am ranting away like this... but I just felt like I needed to be up front to whoever might happen upon this blog and think I am just failing to bring it to life - I suppose in truth I am failing to finish my intentions here but I have such grand ideas I just don't have the energy to put forth the effort right now. 

I absolutely feel like a whiny bitch and really it feels disgusting but I really needed to be honest with myself most of all. I miss my rainbowcy sooo sooo much, the Lumière's are one of my favorites saves. I also love all my other sims stories, I just wish I had as many readers for them as I do for this blog, being that it is a bit dormant. x____x; So I am kind of at this cross-roads with my writing and wondering if I should update a certain story or if I should just continue to tell myself I am doing these challenges/stories for just me when in truth I am sharing them and then feeling lame when they don't get much attention. (I think a lot of people can share that feeling if it's ever happened to them.) So I am just asking anyone, or no one or whatever - what should I do? 

Currently I have four stories/challenges that have been started and not finished. My Endless Lullabies 100 Baby Challenge, the Lumière Rainbowcy, In Search of Remedy Mars... (fiction), and the Thrill of Insanity ISBI. Should I just focus on ONE and continue with that? I get some old nostalgia and update my 100bc sometimes, or I pop into the rainbowcy or my other story and get motivated for a second then end up exiting out of the game entirely. My ISBI currently is something I am focusing on but really I don't seem to get much feedback from it - probably my humor/commentary sucking! I have to mention I have been a bit more busy in RL this past year as well due to shortages at my workplace, so to help out I end up picking up overtime which ends up making me tired/stressed/lame LOL. I

I just feel so discouraged, and again... I am so sorry. I just really needed to let that all out. So if you're expecting more of the rainbowcy maybe I will update it, this post above has given me inspiration to really get on with Rouge's generation. But no guarantees. I love everyone who has been there and supported everything I have done, because those are the friends that I just love sharing these kind of works with, and though you might tell me to just "do this for yourself, whatever makes you happy," what makes me happy is giving you something worthy to read, and to enjoy as well - perhaps even inspire like a lot of you have truly inspired me.

I suck, and I am sorry - as usual. Can someone help me in the right direction? :)