Thursday, January 3, 2013

2.3.1 (Quatorze point l'un)

I lost her… it’s all my fault, I should have seen it from the beginning and I didn’t. I screwed myself over, I screwed her over and I made a fool of myself in the end. Why aren’t you allowed some sort of guide book, some masterful teen bible for all those moments you know you are gonna fail?! Note to self… Scratch photography - better start writing it now! But here I am now, staring at her house and wishing I could have taken that chance to show her how much she means to me. 

A thousand thoughts flooded my mind as I took in the Eureka’s sad, vacant house. It has been a month since they moved out of Appaloosa Plains, and right before that a million things went horribly wrong. Nana’s mother - how do I even mention it, Nana’s mother became quite sick and the only treatment center that took their insurance and could fully take care of her was over a thousand miles away. It felt like a million, it felt like an earth shattering distance with no possible end. Her father finally landed the job that allowed the move, but why didn’t she even tell me? She’s… she’s my best friend. 

So this is how everything fell apart…



AUTHOR'S NOTE:

*DEEP BREATH* So please don't hate me for this rant that is about to transpire...

I just want to apologize deeply for letting anyone down, if they think I have fully abandoned this challenge/story. I haven't but it has been nearly a year since I have stopped updating due to the stress of really putting forth so much effort for such little feedback. Though now that I realize, I think when I look over my blog stats for all three (rainbowcy, 100BC, & ISBI) the Lumière Rainbowcy takes the cake each time and I have no idea why since I never update it. I suppose it must be a rainbowcy thing. :/ 

Anyway I am not saying I hate updating this story or that I am sad none of my other stuff is getting attention I am just confessing that it's been rather tough to dig deep inside and write posts that are so long and so heartfelt. I have just had the biggest writers block and after taking a break from this style of writing I tried a different style with my In Search of Remedy Mars... story and I loved it unfortunately no one really picked up or commented much on it, same with my ISBI nowadays and I think I have some fans of my 100bc that wish I would just finish it. I am so sorry I am ranting away like this... but I just felt like I needed to be up front to whoever might happen upon this blog and think I am just failing to bring it to life - I suppose in truth I am failing to finish my intentions here but I have such grand ideas I just don't have the energy to put forth the effort right now. 

I absolutely feel like a whiny bitch and really it feels disgusting but I really needed to be honest with myself most of all. I miss my rainbowcy sooo sooo much, the Lumière's are one of my favorites saves. I also love all my other sims stories, I just wish I had as many readers for them as I do for this blog, being that it is a bit dormant. x____x; So I am kind of at this cross-roads with my writing and wondering if I should update a certain story or if I should just continue to tell myself I am doing these challenges/stories for just me when in truth I am sharing them and then feeling lame when they don't get much attention. (I think a lot of people can share that feeling if it's ever happened to them.) So I am just asking anyone, or no one or whatever - what should I do? 

Currently I have four stories/challenges that have been started and not finished. My Endless Lullabies 100 Baby Challenge, the Lumière Rainbowcy, In Search of Remedy Mars... (fiction), and the Thrill of Insanity ISBI. Should I just focus on ONE and continue with that? I get some old nostalgia and update my 100bc sometimes, or I pop into the rainbowcy or my other story and get motivated for a second then end up exiting out of the game entirely. My ISBI currently is something I am focusing on but really I don't seem to get much feedback from it - probably my humor/commentary sucking! I have to mention I have been a bit more busy in RL this past year as well due to shortages at my workplace, so to help out I end up picking up overtime which ends up making me tired/stressed/lame LOL. I

I just feel so discouraged, and again... I am so sorry. I just really needed to let that all out. So if you're expecting more of the rainbowcy maybe I will update it, this post above has given me inspiration to really get on with Rouge's generation. But no guarantees. I love everyone who has been there and supported everything I have done, because those are the friends that I just love sharing these kind of works with, and though you might tell me to just "do this for yourself, whatever makes you happy," what makes me happy is giving you something worthy to read, and to enjoy as well - perhaps even inspire like a lot of you have truly inspired me.

TL;DR
I suck, and I am sorry - as usual. Can someone help me in the right direction? :) 

Bleh,
Jess

Monday, April 23, 2012

2.2 (Treize)

A/N: Sorry again, like always, LMAO, that it's taken me some time to get you this update! :3 I have just been updating my 100 BC, and/or bouncing around some side stories! I really have been writing on the rainbowcy, this chapter is actually probably dated back in March, but I put the final touches on it just recently... like the pictures LOL! <3 Forgive my lameness, I hope! And enjoy!

My sneakers kicked up the loose pebbles on the hot sidewalk, one at a time, one in front of the other as I walked towards the school with Nana at my side. She was going on about something as my mind wandered off into intangible thought.


"You know, Limerick wants to meet up with at the Shack. Are you down?"
"Huh?" I looked up momentarily as we drew closer, clearly having no clue as to what she was on about.


"The Shack, we're meeting up to discuss our plans for that dreadful dance?" Nana looked at my dazed expression. "Oh you have got to be fudgin' me, Rouge, pull your head out of that scrawny pink butt of yours." She scoffed, shaking her head and walking a bit faster as the first warning bell rang.



"What?! Nana! Wait! Yes, I'm sorry!" I called after her, and ran to catch up, though for a fleeting moment I caught sight of Stardust and I stopped momentarily. I couldn't believe it had been so long since I last saw her, and even though she was the spitting image of my best friend I could tell she was completely different. Surrounded by the mob of who was who and what was in at the moment. The Tarte Trio. I watched as they cut me off at the stairs, my eyes watching their skirts swish as their hips moved with their steps. That is until I felt a distinct smack on the back of my head.


"What are you looking at?" The voice all too familiar, matched well with the chuckle following it.



"What the berryho-" I spun around to see Limerick, and swiftly tried to jab him in the side. "What's your problem?!" The words escaped me rather quickly in a hushed whisper.


"Well for one, you completely ditched Nana. Two, you're drooling at the bit for the Tarte Trio. I just had to save you before someone saw how pathetic you looked." He laughed at me and began to walk towards the double, front doors. "Better hurry up, projects are due in Ms. Engleberry's!"



"Fuuuuuu..." It was all I could really muster as the second warning bell rang across the school yard, masking the perfect sounds of a curse word for my devastating delay to class and the disappointment I felt that I had forgotten all about the project.



~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~


"I think I'm rather surprised at how things turned out." I let the words roll out of my mouth with a bit more confidence than needed.


"You're just lucky she was sick today and you know Mr. Tofu loves to slack with whatever assignments were supposedly due." Limerick drawled out as we approached the sandy beaches of the river near my neighborhood.


"Yeah, yeah, I guess so. Didn't Nana say she was going to be here?" My eyes shifted around, taking in the empty stretch of beach near the empty, abandoned hut we called 'the Shack.'

"Yeah, maybe she's inside, I don't know."


"Have you, you know..." I begin to ask possibly the most awkward question that had been haunting me all week since prom was announced. My hands danced out in front of me in an assortment of gestures as I tried to edge out what I wanted to say.

"Know what?" Limerick watched my fingers dance uncomfortably in midair before nodding, hopefully in some sort of understanding way. "Yeah, I think Pansy said she'd go with me."


"What?! Fudge, there seems to be less girls in our graduating class than the previous year. Where are they all hiding?!" I felt my gut knot up, I already hated talking about this kind of stuff, mushy, dance-y, crap. Going stag was looking more and more appealing by the minute.

"Why not ask Peaches, or something. I mean you could always go with Nana?" I could see the smirk he shot me, and I felt an urge to deck him, perhaps more playfully than serious.


"No, Nana is off limits, it's like... iunno, I just, why would you suggest that?" I stumbled on the words, they were foreign in nature it seemed.

"Chill, I was only kidden." He shot back at me, then swung open the makeshift door to the Shack. "Nana?! You here, I think Rouge has something to sa-." I quickly shoved him inside before he could finish.


"Shut your hole!" I spat out, slipping inside behind him and taking a quick look around, thankfully no one was there. Especially Nana, though it surprised me more than Limerick's teasing. "Uuhh... Nana?!" There was no answer.


"Well I guess that was no fun," Limerick chuckled and slide over to the old couch we had taken in to use along with whatever sort of broken, or old, or abandoned colorful yet mismatched furniture we could find.


"I kind of want to ask Star, but you know I wouldn't have a chance in whatever hell..." I continued to look around, just in case Nana was there, waiting and hiding in the shadows ready to laugh her ass off at me for even mentioning her sister.


"Uh oh. I think that's correct, sir. I can already tell you that the Tartes probably already have dates, and all of them are probably on the team." Limerick scoffed, his disgust with such societal standards clearly enveloping his words.


"Oh well, forget it. I think I am just going to go alone anyway, maybe not at all. I honestly don't know who wants to go to those things anyway." I rolled my eyes as I dragged myself over to the slightly dinged up window and peered out into the river. "I just can't wait for this year to be over, and no more Ms. Engleberry, and no more Appaloosa Plains."


"You really want to leave don't you?" It was as if he hadn't heard me a quarter of a million times previously, the surprise in his voice piquing.


"Why not? I mean don't you?" I shot him a subtly, confused look.

"Well sure, but I don't think there is anywhere in this world that is appealing to go to. I mean going to Shang Simla was fun but with the family it was kind of boring... especially all that boring photo taking and walking, and biking... I wasn't even allowed in the tombs."


"There is more than just Shang Simla and Appaloosa Plains you berryhole." I laughed, I myself hadn't even been on a family vacation other than Champs, or one year to Sugar Valley only to watch my mother fall apart in search for my grandfather and the aunt I would probably never know.

"Like where? I mean, where do you think you're going to go after school?" Limerick looked at me as if I was the least amusing berry in the world.



"Look, I just want to maybe go to Bridgeport... or something. Go to the big city, meet loads of celebrities who will buy my crappy paintings and photos, or maybe just somewhere where I can find what I want, when I want."


"And what would that be?" He smirked, "Your sanity?"


"That's lost and gone forever my good man." I quietly replied then bit the inside of my cheek. I honestly couldn't explain to him what I felt inside, and how bad I just wanted to run away from this place, from the ranch and from my family. I didn't understand it half the time myself, I couldn't find what I was looking for possibly ever. I knew it was something pure, and something inside me but I couldn't come to the conclusion even when asked up front.


"Well, well, what is going on here?" The voice sprang me back to reality, it wasn't one I had encountered often, but I could remember it from years before when it had a much sweeter tone. Star stood in the doorway, though I was uncertain of how long exactly.

"And what brings you out here?" Limerick spat out, though I was sure it wasn't intentional.


"Don't be such a berryhole big brother," Clove poked her head in, over Stardust's shoulder, shooting daggers toward Limerick. "I was looking for you, and of course I would find you at this decrepit place." Her tone was as equally manipulated as Star's was, having endured the change from sweet and innocent middle school-er to being on top, perhaps literally, in the high school societal ladder.


"Hey Clove, Stardust..." I was unsure if my words were even heard, I moved from the window and slide down in the chair nearest it.

"Oh hi there... Rouge?" Star's eyes looked at me and for a moment I felt my heart drop as she looked at me questioningly, perhaps she didn't realize who I was. Even if I was best friends with her twin sister.


"Yes, hello Rouge," chimed in Clove as she made her way over to the couch and propped herself up on one of its arms. "I see you've changed a lot." Her words made no sense as I offered her an uncertain expression, her smile climbed on her lips as her eyes ate me up.

"Oh Clove, down girl, I am sure my sister has him all wrapped up neatly around her finger or something." Star shot the words towards her best friend and I felt my stomach knot up once more and before I knew it I shot back.




"She's not my girlfriend, she's just a girl. She's just a friend, nothing more. I don't like her." I couldn't believe I was having this conversation, or whatever this uncomfortable form of speech was developing between the four of us.



"Oh." Star blankly gazed at me, and for a moment I thought I could see her frown but soon enough her lips curled into the most perfect grin. "Well I guess she's missing out." Was it a compliment? I wasn't sure but I knew it wasn't doing anything to lower the tension in the room.


"Clove, what the berry do you want?" Limerick perked up, his eyes giving his sibling an obvious glance of annoyance.


"Well I just wanted to see if you'd let me borrow your friend, for something."


Saturday, March 3, 2012

2.1 (Douze)

Author's Note: There is adult language in my entries, so please be cautious! I hope you all forgive me, at some point for taking forever to get ANYTHING to you. >.< It's just been a rather odd January/February! And then patch is surprisingly amazing! My game hasn't been this fast since I took out ALL of Nraas' mods. But atm I am just running with MC, MCCheats, Debugger, Overwatch. I think those are the only ones I Have in at this time. I do want to have Story Progression again, but it'll have to wait and for now, I am not too much at a loss with it. :) This might be a short chapter, but I hope it starts off Rouge good enough ish! LOL

"What do you think about Peaches?" I asked, my eyes fixated on the canvas as I let my brush slide across its slightly textured surface.



"What?" Nana asked, not even caring to look up from her book. "What are you talking about Rouge? Why can't you just let me study?" She glanced up just a moment before pretending to read further.



"Like you really enjoy Ms. Engleberry's class. You know you're just happy I have to endure those lectures with you." I snickered and straightened my posture. Tilting my head a bit I looked at the long streak of color I just placed, quite ridiculous I thought to myself.



"Well what do you mean about Peaches?" I could hear the smug tone but it was only because I knew both girls had some kind of 'history' in the past.



"Well you know, I was thinking of asking her to prom. I mean since you know, she's kind of hot. Right?" My head tilted the opposite direction now, that single bit of color just throwing me off, but I guess red just wasn't really my mood at the moment.



"Hah! You think everything that has two legs and even smiles at you is hot."

"Not so, I am just in need of someone to you know... help me out." I grew sick of the nearly blank canvas and tossed a begrudged look in Menagerie's direction.

"Eww, don't make me throw this assignment at you Rouge, you know I would do it in a heartbeat, you sicko." I could hear the laughter though and gave a quick smirk at her. "Especially with her, I am sure she has something and you probably don't want it."



"Girls, I don't quite understand them."

"Then why am I here?" Again with such a smug tone!

"Well because you're more like a guy!" I knew for sure I was going to get it this time, so I quickly ducked. It must have been too soon because she always knew my tricks and waited till I dared look up and then it hit me. Literally.



"Hah! I hope you enjoyed that, from me annnnd Ms. Engleberry!" Nana curled a bit of laughter around her words as the book came hurdling at me, it's flat surface meeting with my forehead.

"What do you think you're doing?! Trying to ruin these good looks?!" I arrogantly joked, and attempted to get closer to my bed. Finally reaching it as she slide to the side and sat up.



"Just think of it as working the kinks out for you, and that pretty little face of yours Rourou!" Her voice laced in sarcasm as she pushed me over slightly.





"I think I might ask her, I don't know... maybe Pansy would go." I looked everywhere but at Nana, feeling almost a blush on my cheeks. I knew deep down I blew at anything girl related, I don't even know why I was bringing this up in front of Nana. Oh Nana how you've put up with such a snark like me.





"First of all, you probably should be working on a different letter of the alphabet, and secondly... you definitely need someone else's advice." She stuck her tongue out at me and got up to gather her backpack and stuff together.



"What are you doing?"

"I have to go get Star, you know that even though she can drive she definitely sucks at it, so I need to get her from drama club." She scoffed, fumbling to shove everything into the knapsack.



"Oh. Oh yah." I zoned out momentarily, Stardust was Menagerie's twin sister.. almost completely identical and one of the most popular students at our high school. Strange how things work out for people who look exactly alike. Nearly the same person on the outside but complete opposites. My mind wandered and I soon thought about how I used to have such a crush on Star... then again fourteen was only a couple of years in my past.

"Rouge? Rouge....?" I couldn't hear her at all, but I definitely felt the smack to my forehead. "Rouge, fucking wake up, geez."





"Uhh, what? Sorry just yah... I will see you tomorrow, kay? I can maybe hang tomorrow afternoon..." I said a bit unsure, "I just have to pick up Kura and Pyx... I think."

"You can never remember anything, can you?"



"What? Whatever, you're the one that cheats off me, remember?!"



"I do not!" Another smack to the forehead.

I quickly tried to dodge the ones after that of course, "hey now! Oh and say hi to your sister for me, yah?" I winked.



"Ughh, you're such a freak Rouge." And with that I watched as my best friend took off out of the door. I laughed to myself quietly before looking over at the canvas once more. "Fuuuuuck. Why am I so blocked lately?"





I moved slowly to the easel and stared a moment. "Man girls, what the berry are they doing to my art?!" I thought out loud and picked up my brush once more, frustration got the better of me and before long the brush was sent across the open area of the garage that I had made into my little hole in the wall. "Maybe these things come with instructions." I spoke to myself as I went to gather it up, "then again I doubt something as complicated as those really do." I laughed and headed out the door, it was dinner time I was sure of it. At least my stomach was telling me it was.