1.4.1 (Quatre)

Weeks passed since that night, that one magical night which I regretted so much. It tore at my gut to even think about how I could have been so happy these last couple of weeks with Raz and instead like usual I am staring out the sun room windows toward his house across the way. Does this make me a stalker? Maybe a creeper? No... only pathetic. I thought to myself as I gazed out into the night and wondered what he could be doing this evening.





Maybe he wasn't doing anything, I couldn't see a light on at all. Maybe he moved. I thought wildly for an instant, how crazy am I starting to get? I really needed to get out of the house.



It hurt softly, a dull ache inside me would come forth each time I would think about those sapphire blues of his. And how he looked at me just right.



Would they ever look at me like that again? I was becoming too clingy to an idea that I fucked up and decided I needed to go for a drink, it was at least a good idea since I hadn't been to anywhere in this damn town since coming back. Grocery store, ranch, maybe the library, then back to the ranch. Feed store, then the ranch. I was becoming a hermit, I was sure of it.



I made my way up the street to a dive bar, surely I wasn't going to run into anyone I used to know. I wasn't ready to be bombarded with the usual, annoying and repetitive questions. Usually they would pertain to my father, his whereabouts, his feelings? I didn't know how he was, nor did I give a flying fuck either. Oh my Berry... how I at least put him out of my mind since meeting Raz. Which didn't help since not being able to pick up the phone and grovel wasn't coming easy to me. I ordered the strongest drink there... a Flaming something, maybe a Breezey something or other. I don't remember.



The mixologist looked at me as if I was on some kind of drug. No lady, those were in my past. I was just drained, strained and ready for something to relieve it. I suppose alcohol really wasn't the solution to anything though. I watched her walk away, nodding in my direction and then busying herself with making the insane concoction.







I looked off to the dance floor, no one was really out there, I guess they were all snuggled up in the corners getting plowed until their inner inhibitions arose and dragged them out to the floor to make a fool of themselves or perhaps to express their inner artists! I thought back to my late teen years in Bridgeport and how these lights reminded me of each night with the band. It all seemed like a far away dream now.



I turned back to the mixologist whipping out a torch and going to town on my drink. Wtb did I order again?!



The liquid burned neon green, the flame rising up and down from the glass's rim dying slowly as I looked on in amazement. I picked it up carefully and prepared myself for a long night of forgetting my silly sorrows.





It was surprisingly refreshing. Not at all warm as I had expected. I might be ordering more of these, I thought to myself. I hadn't noticed anyone creeping up behind me, but I did look onward and noticed some paparazzi taking some photos in my direction. Perhaps they were fans from those childish moments of mine when I was with the band.



The flashes kept going, and I subtly brought the martini glass up to my lips, sipping on the drink as I became reminiscent of days past.



"You better watch out, I hear those are mighty strong and I think with your stature you might be in over your head, sweets." His voice was intoxicating, his drawl saturated in subtle hints of sarcasm as he spoke from behind me.

I was surprised, annoyed and all too familiarized with that voice. Puck.



But how could it be, I didn't think he'd ever come back to Appaloose Plains, especially with their star rising reputations. I felt so embarrassed realizing what that woman was taking a picture of now. How mortifying.



I looked sharply to my right, "And what makes you think I can't handle these when I could handle you at one time?" I replied.



I turned myself fully, the eery feeling washing over me as I watched all too familiar that face the man pulled in front of me. Dear Berries, why did it have to be him? I thought to myself, almost blocking out what he was saying.

"Oh you know, it's only because I allowed it." His tone was smug, he hadn't changed at all even if it had been almost a year since I had truly last seen him. "No one can handle me my dear sugarpop." He continued to bask in his own shit, I was pretty sure of it.

"Why are you here?" I asked curtly.



He looked at me with an almost pathetically sad expression. "Why wouldn't I come back? I had to come see my sweets." He spoke up, his arrogance covering up what little true emotion he could have been emitting.

"You don't have to lie, you know we've been done for a long time now and I think I am rather fond of not having you around." I wasn't trying to cover up my intentions of being blatantly rude to Puck.

He slipped me a small bit of poster card, it looked similar to the ones our small band handed out before Coco, Puck, and Winks decided to go with the contract Melted Records was offering in Bridgeport, this being the time I cut ties with them and left that scene all together. I only had moved back to Appaloosa Plains just a little over a month ago. I imagined all that time in between each event before giving the card my full attention.



"What is this...?" I asked, genuinely curious as I looked over the cover. It was Puck wrapping himself around who I assumed was Coco, her hair was shorter... I always assumed she wanted to copy my look back then, I guess she pulled it off. In the back was Winks grabbing what appeared to be a wiry mannequin.

"We're playing AP in a few weeks." Puck said, looking at my general curiosity with amusement. "You know, all hometown glory like. I thought you'd be happy, I can see you must be." He burst out assuming all these just by the odd look I was giving the card.



"Ha. ha. ha." I dragged out the laughter with a sarcastic tone. "Do you think I am fucking bonkers? Really Puck, I didn't think you were so self indulged, where is everyone anyway? Coco? I see you two became close." I knew I was going off the handle, rambling just to make noise. I wasn't sure why I was either, I had been so close to Coco, she was my best friend but seeing that card really broke my heart. I guess my fears were true and she had replaced me in Puck's bed, arms, spotlight. Why the Berry did I give a shit?! I asked myself. Puck had been my first and Coco had been my best friend until I decided to walk away from that life. I guess she must be assuming she deserves such a front runner like Puckleberry Punch... HAH, how cheap. I thought to myself silently.



I looked down, crumpling the piece of poster card and tossing it onto the ground.

"Come on sweets, you know you've always been in my spotlight, always shining. You're the one that walked away, you left Moony, remember that." He scolded me, it was as if nothing changed. It was always my fault, he was off key, he had no tone.. it was my fault. He really was such an arrogant piece of trash, I couldn't believe how in the Berry anyone would put up with him, even my oldest friend.



"Fuck you, Puckleberry!" It slipped out of my mouth before I could really think about it, I guess that flaming alcoholic drink really gave me some courage, nothing beats liquid courage sometimes. But maybe I was going too far. "You're the one shagging my best friend, the best friend who probably isn't really the best since I haven't spoken to any of you in ages. You know phones work both ways, Puck!" I snapped angrily.



"Calm it down Moony, you know there are a shitload of paparazzi... I doubt you want to read this in the AP Daily." He tried to calm me down, or whatever it was he was doing in attempts to calm me down, of course it wasn't helping. "You really have gone bonkers." He added, "Plus the group is around somewhere I am just having a good night out."



"Until I saw you, I really thought you'd be a bit more happy to see me, sweets." His tone was irritated yet the lingering intoxicating tone hung there even if he glared in my direction, so smug like.

"Look, Puck, you don't get it. I walked away because I was in a bad place then, you never listened." I confessed though it was only me repeating myself, "and clearly you don't remember me ever telling you this even then!"



I was still hurt, and on the inside I felt so embarrassed at how I could react like that toward him. I always told myself I would just get over it yet the more I looked at the situation I could only see that everything in my life up till now has really done a number on me. I wasn't sure there was any way around it this time.





I swear I saw a glimpse of Coco walking out of the door, but I couldn't be sure. Maybe she heard everything I had said. I had only one very intoxicating drink down and here I was slurring out hateful words with paparazzi and the public around. I guess I felt ashamed. If it had been her I had to talk to her later.





"Moon, let's have a good night, I mean come on I am sure you can pull all those old tricks we used to do in bed." Puck flashed me a wink, and I was slightly repulsed at his advances.

"Wtb, no Puck. I am definitely not going down that road again, not with a train wreck like you." I shot back in his direction. This seemed to set him off, and I swear I thought he was going to hit me, I guess it wouldn't have been the first but it had been so long now that it startled me.



"HAHAH!" His laughter filled the space around us, well at least everywhere near the bar. Good thing a lot of people were finally making it to the dance floor or still in their corners. I jumped a little but stared at him. "You think I am the train wreck?! Moon have you even been listening to yourself?" He spat my way. "You're the one who's run away from everything, daddy, the band, yourself. For Berry's sake, you should be honored you even got to get in bed with me." His smuggish attitude reached a whole new high though I was so used to it since this wasn't our first ride down the public nonsense path.



I just stared, confused as to what to come back with. For the majority he was right and I felt so stoned from his words. I could fill my eyes beginning to water, it was just like those times outside the bars and clubs in Bridgeport and how I would always seem to break down in some emotional haze when he really let me have an earful of all the mistakes I had made. Usually though I knew I was right and that everything he was saying was just twisted words from all the things I opened up to him about. He knew how to push the buttons and even though I told myself I was going to get stronger, and to heal at the ranch, this time I felt like there was no running away and the feeling of eyes were on us. But that's when I saw him.



His familiar figure approached us, right up behind Puck. I let my gaze wander into his direction, Puck not noticing at all. I wasn't sure what he was doing but for a moment, just a moment, I felt relief and comfort. That's when Puck caught on and turned to face Raz. I wasn't sure what was about to happen but by the look on Raz's face I knew he wasn't pleased...


(Part Two will be up shortly, please don't worry. LOL And if you aren't worried, then badass! :D Hope you enjoyed so far!!)