1.9 (Neuf)

Author's Note: Soo I just wanted to make a quick note, the blurred out photos might be a little confusing. It's just flashes and imagination of what might of happened for the events in the beginning. :E <3 Song is "In my Arms" by Plumb, btw. I technically changed blues to "greys" just a heads up! Also I apologize that I was going to make this a pretty long chapter but since I have been kind of busy lately it's kind of short, but alas I hope you enjoy!

Your baby greys, so full of wonder

Your curly cues, your contagious smile

And as I watch, you start to grow up

All I can do is hold you tight

The words left my lips in a soft, whispering lullaby as I held onto Rouge. In essence he was the only thing keeping me going since his birth, and since that day I found out Raz wasn't going to be there.



At least for a little bit longer...

I rocked my little berry in my arms as I thought about the events that occurred from that special, though tragic day.









It seemed like a lifetime had already passed and my heart ached, longed and felt so much loss simultaneously. Raz had improved so much in the months that had slowly crawled by. I would take Rouge up there as often as I could with Amethyst or Periwinkle. I hadn't realized that on one occasion I would have to face more than just heartache but the reality of my past and what I was running from...



Puck, my father, myself.

They were the three most unfortunate things in my life to date.





The day Winks came to me, the authorities at his side, telling me how they had decided to put a protective duty at the ranch since Puck had confessed to a bewildered Coco of his plots and schemes to win me back. Win me back? It was pathetic but had Puck written all over it. Cutting Raz's breakline, and trying to wedge himself into my life even if I turned him down over and over. I guess he knew where to hit, and he had hit it with impeccable force. I sank down that night realizing I must have done something to deserve this or else my life wouldn't be in shambles like it was now.





Knowing clouds will rage in

Storms will race in

But you will be safe in my arms

Rains will pour down

Waves will crash around

But you will be safe in my arms



At least Rouge was my sweet sunshine, my little berry who effortlessly won my heart though everything around me seemed as if it were crumbling. I rocked him still, until he  fell asleep and my thoughts wandered back even more.

Where had I gone wrong? Running away from home, finding things in Bridgeport that I probably should have never found. Love, heartbreak, dust, and fake berries. I guess when you're on the other side of it all you can't tell who might be taking advantage of you. Even when they kick you down, I only got up when I thought about my mom. She died in an accident and I blamed my father as if he were a stranger to me. But why did I do that, especially when I now know the truth behind it all.

Storybooks

Are full of fairy tales

Of kings and queens

And the bluest skies

My heart is torn just in knowing

You'll someday see

The truth from lies





I laid Rouge down... picked up my old Fender acoustic and strummed my finger tips slowly across the strings. I couldn't wait till this nightmare was over but for now I just needed to keep dreaming for him...

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

ONE MONTH PREVIOUSLY

I heard a knock at my door, and the chills crept down my spine all to familiar. I only got this feeling when I knew something was off, and just wasn't right. Who would it be at this hour?



"Winks?" I asked solemnly.



"Moon.. Tyrian knows a few guys who are gonna hang out around here and watch out for you, alright?" His voice was stern and full of distress.



"What do you mean? What guys?" I looked past him as two gentleman made their way up to the house. Oh those guys...

"Puck's missing, and I know we only just found out what he is capable of, I want you and the baby to be safe until Raz gets better. I am going to stay here, no objections." His tone never deterring.

"I.. uh.. yah, yah come in." I looked down, my gut pinged with the slightest bit of guilt. It must be so hard for him to know that his brother could be a high risk fugitive, capable of nearly murdering someone. I guess I could believe it if I thought about all those shady nights in Bridgeport, or those times where my snide remarks were met with Puck's backhand.



Winks moved past me slowly, going first into the den and looking around as if he wanted to make sure it was safe. I gave the gentlemen one last look before I closed the door behind me. It was all so surreal. And all we could do was play out our parts. So we settled in that night, holding up in the living room as Rouge slept soundly upstairs. I eyed the baby monitor just to make sure I wasn't hearing things. As long as he doesn't go for my little berry, then Puck would easily just be caught and put in jail for the rest of his miserable berry life.





"He's getting so big, he definitely takes after both of you." Winks spoke up after moments of pretending to read a book. I guess it was my constant eyeing of the monitor that he knew I needed to be distracted.



"I think he looks so much like Raz... I mean granted he has my eyes but those aren't exactly that dazzling. But on him everything is." I cooed and smiled, subconscious reactions. At least Winks knew what to say to really get my mind off things. I couldn't even begin to believe how young we still were yet how old we both must of felt at that moment.





"He'll be almost grown in no time and we'll all be old." Winks laughed as if he read my mind, he put the book down, slipping it in between him and the chair. It must have caught me by surprise but in that moment I realized I had forgotten all about my mother's journal. It was months ago when Raz found it and I can't believe I never thought to take it.



I moved over and began to search the cushion, and sure enough it was there albeit a little more bent on the edges.

"What is that?" Winks asked, I guess my strange sudden actions alerted his curiosity.

"It's my mother's!" I exclaimed, tossing him the most surprised look myself. "Raz actually found it moooonths ago. I guess I just didn't really think to read it, actually I forgot all about the damn thing." I looked over its cover, feeling it's age in the roughness of it in my hands.



"Crazy, well I guess while you indulge yourself I can practice at changing diapers." Winks laughed as we both looked at the baby monitor and could hear the faint sound of groaning coming from it.



"Oh Winks, you don't have to, I am clearly capable of being a wonderful mom... but if you insist." It was the first time I had allowed someone else to help me with taking care of Rouge, especially since Raz couldn't be home just yet. I suppose it was easy to let down my defenses with Winks... no matter what crazy berry was his sibling.



So I did indulge as he made his way up the stairs. But all I did was stare for many moments, thinking of what I could possibly find in here. Teenage dreams? No, I don't think it was that old, so I flipped open the first page and skimmed it. No it was dated from when I was about ten. I truly took Winks' words to heart and I slowly began to feel old and decrepit at the thought of how I was getting now.



With those thoughts aside I read the first handful of pages, it was mostly about the ranch life here with dad and I. Well lack of dad, but I guess it wasn't news to me.. I felt her sorrow that he wasn't there but then something else slapped me with reality. An affair my mother subtly wrote about, but I couldn't believe it. Perhaps it was just my eyes playing tricks on me or even just my mind.



No, no it wasn't some affair... it was even more gut-retching as my eyes hastily went from one word to the next, frantically trying to figure out what my mother was trying to write about so long ago.





The tears were hot on my cheeks, I hadn't realized I was crying until I heard Winks' footsteps behind me.





"Moon?" His voice was raised with concern as he looked down at me. "Moony, are you okay? What is it?" He began to go towards the door, "was he here? Did he call?"



"No, no stop... it's okay. I mean..." I called out as I knew he was going for the two gentlemen outside. "Winks, it's okay I am just... I was reading." I looked up slowly from the book while he made his way back into the den.

"What happened? What did you read?" He asked.



"I have a sister..." was all I could muster out, in sheer disbelief myself. "I have... a sister." I repeated it but with more confidence. "I can't believe she kept this from me. I can't believe I hated him all these years for... for what?" I rambled, shaking my head and putting my face into my hands as I rose up. Winks met me and embraced me.



"Moon, calm down. It's been a really rough few months just take a few breathes... let's just relax." He assured me as we sank down into the couch once more. The book had fallen from my hands and landed on the floor when I had got up. I now looked at it with a solemn gaze, my body shuddering to hold back my surprised tears. Oddly enough a smile grew on my lips.