Thursday, January 3, 2013

2.3.1 (Quatorze point l'un)

I lost her… it’s all my fault, I should have seen it from the beginning and I didn’t. I screwed myself over, I screwed her over and I made a fool of myself in the end. Why aren’t you allowed some sort of guide book, some masterful teen bible for all those moments you know you are gonna fail?! Note to self… Scratch photography - better start writing it now! But here I am now, staring at her house and wishing I could have taken that chance to show her how much she means to me. 

A thousand thoughts flooded my mind as I took in the Eureka’s sad, vacant house. It has been a month since they moved out of Appaloosa Plains, and right before that a million things went horribly wrong. Nana’s mother - how do I even mention it, Nana’s mother became quite sick and the only treatment center that took their insurance and could fully take care of her was over a thousand miles away. It felt like a million, it felt like an earth shattering distance with no possible end. Her father finally landed the job that allowed the move, but why didn’t she even tell me? She’s… she’s my best friend. 

So this is how everything fell apart…



AUTHOR'S NOTE:

*DEEP BREATH* So please don't hate me for this rant that is about to transpire...

I just want to apologize deeply for letting anyone down, if they think I have fully abandoned this challenge/story. I haven't but it has been nearly a year since I have stopped updating due to the stress of really putting forth so much effort for such little feedback. Though now that I realize, I think when I look over my blog stats for all three (rainbowcy, 100BC, & ISBI) the Lumière Rainbowcy takes the cake each time and I have no idea why since I never update it. I suppose it must be a rainbowcy thing. :/ 

Anyway I am not saying I hate updating this story or that I am sad none of my other stuff is getting attention I am just confessing that it's been rather tough to dig deep inside and write posts that are so long and so heartfelt. I have just had the biggest writers block and after taking a break from this style of writing I tried a different style with my In Search of Remedy Mars... story and I loved it unfortunately no one really picked up or commented much on it, same with my ISBI nowadays and I think I have some fans of my 100bc that wish I would just finish it. I am so sorry I am ranting away like this... but I just felt like I needed to be up front to whoever might happen upon this blog and think I am just failing to bring it to life - I suppose in truth I am failing to finish my intentions here but I have such grand ideas I just don't have the energy to put forth the effort right now. 

I absolutely feel like a whiny bitch and really it feels disgusting but I really needed to be honest with myself most of all. I miss my rainbowcy sooo sooo much, the Lumière's are one of my favorites saves. I also love all my other sims stories, I just wish I had as many readers for them as I do for this blog, being that it is a bit dormant. x____x; So I am kind of at this cross-roads with my writing and wondering if I should update a certain story or if I should just continue to tell myself I am doing these challenges/stories for just me when in truth I am sharing them and then feeling lame when they don't get much attention. (I think a lot of people can share that feeling if it's ever happened to them.) So I am just asking anyone, or no one or whatever - what should I do? 

Currently I have four stories/challenges that have been started and not finished. My Endless Lullabies 100 Baby Challenge, the Lumière Rainbowcy, In Search of Remedy Mars... (fiction), and the Thrill of Insanity ISBI. Should I just focus on ONE and continue with that? I get some old nostalgia and update my 100bc sometimes, or I pop into the rainbowcy or my other story and get motivated for a second then end up exiting out of the game entirely. My ISBI currently is something I am focusing on but really I don't seem to get much feedback from it - probably my humor/commentary sucking! I have to mention I have been a bit more busy in RL this past year as well due to shortages at my workplace, so to help out I end up picking up overtime which ends up making me tired/stressed/lame LOL. I

I just feel so discouraged, and again... I am so sorry. I just really needed to let that all out. So if you're expecting more of the rainbowcy maybe I will update it, this post above has given me inspiration to really get on with Rouge's generation. But no guarantees. I love everyone who has been there and supported everything I have done, because those are the friends that I just love sharing these kind of works with, and though you might tell me to just "do this for yourself, whatever makes you happy," what makes me happy is giving you something worthy to read, and to enjoy as well - perhaps even inspire like a lot of you have truly inspired me.

TL;DR
I suck, and I am sorry - as usual. Can someone help me in the right direction? :) 

Bleh,
Jess

9 comments:

  1. I enjoyed the little update.

    I just want to assure you that you have more readers and fans than comment. For some reason most people hate to comment. I look at my stats and see that way more people read my stories and follow my blog than ever comment.

    You are an amazing writer. I get behind and try to comment as often as I can so I'm sorry I haven't commented quickly on your stuff. I love it all and would be sad to see you end any of them.

    Here's my suggestion. Write for yourself and enjoy what comments you get. Work on the stories that you enjoy. That's pretty much what I concluded. Only have a few people who actually comment regularly so I enjoy those people and just write because I like to.

    I'm not sure if that helps or not.

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  2. Heh. I knew I would get a reply like that, not that it's bad, just I have had that discussion a few times with someone else. I do love ALL of my stories, but I just wonder if I am working on something that'll make me and others happy. I love my ISBI but my commentary is a bit dry, or kind of out there... and maybe it's not for everyone. And then I look at my old stuff, especially this rainbowcy and I feel like loads of people wish I could continue it but I just don't know how to word everything I want for it. The whole writer's block thing... and perhaps maybe the styling with all the drama isn't as much fun as I would have hoped. I love twists but I know every rainbowcy seems to have those dramatic, scary plots where loads of stuff happens that is predictable. D:

    Thank you so much for commenting hon, it really has just been a relief to vent about this stuff. >____<

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    1. And I hope you know, I do understand the whole... more readers than commenters thing, and I get that and I think about that a lot when I get like this. ;-; I really... really wanna finish this rainbowcy but then I think once I start working on it again, people will wonder wth happened to my ISBI or even my 100bc @.@! I am not as talented as you in keeping up with everything!!

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  3. I'll tell you the same thing I tell everyone on this topic - you have to write for YOU first and foremost. If you're not enjoying what you're writing then it will come through in the motivation, the writing the blockage, etc. Comments are nice - hell they're great, we all love comments - but they can't be what motivates you to write more on a story.

    Honestly, you may be a little over extended as it stands with four stories. Or maybe you're not. I have several and I know that some times I feel so overwhelmed I don't want to work on ANYTHING, but then I get into a groove for awhile and just go with it.

    Good luck! :)

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    1. Hey! Sorry it's taken me a few days to respond, got swept up into some busy ness. Cami, I always think of you when I go through something like this. Because I remember talking to you about it long ago, on tumblr I think. And I am sorry if it all came out as if I just want more comments because that isn't true. I just notice I don't get many views, and I suppose that might come off as some kind of selfish ness for more readers but it's just kind of how I feel. I absolutely adore my readers currently, they mean so much to me even if some of them aren't even around atm.

      I have never been one to really put my stories out there much other than on the forum and tumblr. @.@ A lot of people put theirs on sharing sites or they really, really promote their stuff. I would like to work on all four of my stories, because it would be a dream but I honestly would get a bit extended and stretched beyond my handling. I honestly don't know how some of you do it, it's amazing, really. I think perhaps taking breaks for one story and working on another and then breaking from that to move onto another story would be fine but I always conclude in my mind to finish one and then work on the others but man I am not very quick to finish with one xD!

      Anyway sorry for the long winded reply, and thank you for the advice, both of you!

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    2. I knew what your were saying. We'd all like more views, comments, fans, etc - it's really a nice feeling to know that something you work hard on is getting "out there" and is appreciated. I get that, I really do.

      Like you, I don't really try to advertise much very often. I have joined a few writers forums in the past and sometimes I pop back in but I don't do it for every update anymore (too many forums, too much work lol). I post on the Sims 3 Forum, I post on tumblr which posts on Twitter too and I let it go. People will find it or they won't lol.

      I also know how it is to feel too stretched. I'm feeling it now. I'd love to wrap up one of my Legacies just to put it to bed. On the other hand, I'd miss those sims. And I think that is the crux of the problem for me, I love my sims/characters. I get very attached to them and want to tell their stories - ALL of their stories lol

      Good luck :)

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    3. Hehe, I LOVE that enthusiasm! I adore all my sims as well, and maybe in some weird place in the back of my mind I think if I really finish too quickly then I won't be able to play them anymore.. But I realize I am definitely some kind of tortoise when it comes to my stories atm. I get overwhelmed even thinking about which direction to go with because I get all these awesome ideas and then I ignore them for too long and come back later thinking it might be too much hassle

      Anyway sorry to blabber on like this! But it was fantastic to get your point of view, it's been such a tremendous relief and support to know I am not alone in some aspects. I feel like I am such a whiner though, I just can't wait to work on whichever one I choose to finish and hopefully go from there!

      Thanks again, and again, and again! xD

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  4. I wouldn't worry about not having a whole lot of comments. I've been writing for two years, and the grand total of people who have commented is 7. But I don't care, because I love doing it and whatever feedback I do get is extremely positive. A lot of the hype for berry sims has gone down since A Pastel Rainbowcy ended, and now we're left with the people who truly love writing and giving people all they have. Keep doing what you're doing, because I for one love it.

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    1. Your feedback and comments have really lightened my spirits, and definitely encourage me to pull myself up and forward in whichever story I end up going with. I get what seems to have happened after the Pastel Rainbowcy ended but I hadn't updated this much further back from before it ended, but I still adore the ideas I have for it! :)

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